My mom called me last night for her daily check-in (yes, I’m almost 30 years old but if I don’t communicate with my mom every day she thinks I’ve driven my car off an embankment and am dying a slow death) and passed along a hilarious story about my Grandmother.
I haven’t seen my Grandmother in about a week. Our last visit ended with me in tears at the dining room table telling her and my mother about how I think an intestinal parasite has invaded my body – at that point I hadn’t eaten in three days so my nerves were pretty much shot. After she consoled me my Grandmother tried to change the subject by telling me about a new show she started watching. “What’s the show?”, I asked. “It’s called Explorer,” she replied. I asked her what the show is about, trying to play along, and good old grandma replied, “Exploring things.” She refused to share any further details. God I love her.
Now, on to the point of this post. As I was talking to my mom last night about my upcoming appointment with the stomach specialist she told me she just had a very interesting conversation with my Grandmother. Apparently, my Grandmother decided to order a brand new top of the line Kitchenaid stand mixer. No doubt she ordered it off of Amazon using the new Ipad. Her rationale for the purchase, “I know I shouldn’t but I WANTED it so I BOUGHT it!” That was followed up by, “And when I go to my great reward in the sky, Wolf can have it.” I’m wolf by the way. This is actually good news to me because the rate I’m going there is no wedding registry in my near future.
My mom had no objection to the purchase except for a few small details. Details that clearly my grandmother hadn’t thought about much. First of all, all of you who own this mixer (or have seen one in use) know how heavy it is. It’s not something that is easy to move around, especially not for an 80-year-old woman who can’t even bring in her own groceries. My Grandmother had a simple solution for this problem, “I’ll just put it on top of the washing machine.” How laundry will continue to get done is still up for debate.
The next issue is very basic and involves delivery of the mixer. Unless my Grandmother is hiding some massive muscles underneath those moomoos then I’m not sure how she plans on getting the mixer from her doorstep, out of the box and on to its final resting place – which may or may not involve a washing machine. She was unable to tell my mom when the mixer was scheduled to be delivered so right now it’s a crap shoot. My mom claims it will just have to sit on her porch until one of us can go and move it inside. I take that to mean until I can go and move it inside. My mom asked my Grandmother to call me and tell me about the mixer and ask for my help moving it and my Grandmother replied, “I am not about to call and bother her. She’s busy and she doesn’t feel well. You tell her.” Have I told you how much I love this woman?
The final issue is pretty straightforward – my Grandmother doesn’t bake anymore. Like almost never. With the exception of a birthday cake here and there and maybe a batch or two of homeade biscuits, I can’t figure out exactly what she will use the mixer for. But, then again, this is the same Grandmother with an Ipad, high speed wireless internet service and two flast screen televisions.
My mom is now insisting that I go over to my Grandmother’s house this weekend to re-arrange her kitchen counters to make space for the new addition. She doesn’t care where I put it as long as it’s not on the washing machine. But, I’m telling you now, if that’s where grandma wants it that’s where it’s gonna go. Can’t wait to see how this all plays out. My Grandmother does worship the ground I walk on as my mom likes to say, but she doesn’t always take too kindly to people messing around in her kitchen. I have a feeling added to my list of weekly grandmother-related chores will be *Move mixer from washing machine.
I’m guessing that I either leave her house this weekend with a brand new mixer or a brand new migraine.