Not that Innocent

Over the weekend, my grandmother was innocently trying to look up Alec Baldwin movies online. At least I assume it was innocent.

The details are a little fuzzy, as it’s difficult for my grandmother to even get on the Internet much less explain to her granddaughter what search techniques she used to find these ‘movies’.

Nonetheless, she somehow came up with a list of movies starring Alec Baldwin and began to navigate through the list to try and find some she may like to add to the Netflix queue. Apparently, the first few ‘movies’ on the list were of an explicit nature.

My grandmother called me on Saturday to give me all the lurid details. She told me she didn’t know exactly what had happened (shocking) but that somehow the list of movies included links to sites that showed Alec in various states of undress and participating in some risky behaviors (to say the least). My mom tried explaining how this all happened but she couldn’t stop laughing.

It took her about 5 years but it seems my grandmother has finally stumbled upon the world of Internet porn. I’m sort of scared to find out what she will discover next….

Update: Netflix bandit strikes again

I just received this email from my grandmother:

There are two Netflix here. They are 1. Seamless 2. Viktor & Rolf: Because They’re Worth It!   Are they for you?

Love,

Grandmother – the keeper of the Destroyer who now steals my bamboo back scratcher and takes it away!

Because I’m sure you’re wondering.

1. I have never heard of ‘Seamless’ or ‘Viktor & Rolf’. I didn’t mention in my original Netflix post, but my grandmother also accidentally adds movies to the queue all the time and then accuses my mom and I of doing it. She then tries to pawn the DVDs off on us, insisting that we ordered them.
2. The ‘Destroyer’ she refers to at the end of the message is her cat, Bobby Cheddar.

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Netflix + Impatient Septuagenarian = Trouble

Over the past year, I have returned to my college days working nights as a waitress – or ‘Server’ as I prefer to be called. During the day and on the weekends I have worked to grow my consulting business. As a result, I’ve had little to no free time and certainly not enough time to visit my Netflix queue as often as I would like.

Another interesting change to the Netflix account during this time – my mother decided to give my grandmother control over the queue. She also adjusted the account so that all the DVDs are sent to my grandmother’s house. In theory, this was supposed to make things easier for my mom and I. No more frantic phone calls from grandmother asking where her DVDs were and demanding immediate home delivery. The plan backfired.

I have recently gone back to an 8-5 office job allowing me more free time  to enjoy the latest and greatest DVD releases. So, naturally, I have been updating my (or shall I say my grandmother’s) Netflix queue frequently with my requests. I began to notice that even though I requested a movie every few days and moved my request to the top of the queue, I had yet to actually receive a DVD. I would go back to the queue to check and my movies would mysteriously have disappeared – not only from the top of the list but from the entire queue. Or, in an even more mysterious fashion, Netflix would indicate that my movie was shipped and already returned. Hmmmmm? What could be the cause of this interesting phenomenon? My 78-year old grandmother.

After some investigation, I discovered that my grandmother has  not only been deleting my requests in the queue she has also received multiple movies I requested and immediately mailed them back to Netflix. She explained that she did this as a favor to me because she knows I am ‘too busy to watch them’. I am not the only victim in this heartless scheme. My mother has experienced similiar phenomenon, but with a slight twist. My grandmother censors my mom’s movie choices. If a movie my mother requests comes to my grandmother’s house, my grandmother will read the title and summary and decide if it is suitable for viewing. If not, back to Netflix it goes. Her latest film not to make the cut – Star Trek. Because “Anyone who watches Star Trek has a scrambled brain.”

I can’t wait to be 78.